In the Land Where Not-Normal Things Happen
by Chirpy and Zippy
Summary: Our heroes go on a quest to cure Linda's deathly illness, in a land where not-normal things happen.
1. In Which Our Heroes Meet a Lump of Snow

(L)  
  
In the land where not-normal things happen lived two girls.Â  Actually, more than two girls lived in the land where not-normalÂ things happen, but right now those other girls aren't important.Â  These two girls had known each other almost since the very beginning of their still young lives.Â  They were LindaÂ and Kay, or so they were called.Â  Remember that this was the land where not normal things happen so these normal sounding names were not their full true names.Â  Their full names, Lindaniel Tamatoredansilver and Kayaterenanen Smittyorangeanpurple were quite a mouthful and tedious to say, so everyone just called them Kay and Linda, and their full names were quite normal in the land where not-normal things happen, though still unusual and therefore unique.  
  
Â   
  
Now, Linda always wore silver and red, and Kay always wore orange and purple.Â  One day when the snow was falling very fast and very heavy, Kay and Linda went outside to play "pepper", a passing game.Â  It was twelve o'clock noon and it had been snowing for some time.Â  Only minutes after they began, the ball hit off of Linda's arms and went flying through the air.Â  It landed "thud" on a lump of snow.Â  Both girls knew that balls do not go "thud" when they land on lumps of snow, but here not-normal things like that are to be expected.  
  
Kay- *runs to get the ball*  
  
Lump of snow- *groan*  
  
Kay- I'm really sorry our ball hit you.  
  
Though you may think this is odd to talk to a lump of snow, but to Linda and Kay it was not...  
  
Kay- Wait a minute!Â  There is a person under this lump of snow!  
  
(K)  
  
Linda- Why yes, Kay, there is!Â  It's a damsel in distress!  
  
Kay- Shall we dig her out?  
  
Lump of Snow- Please do!Â  It's rather cold all the time when you're a lump of snow!  
  
So Kay and Linda begin digging the damsel in distress out of the snow.Â  Lo and Behold, who should pop up out of the snow-  
  
Linda- *gasp* It's our buddy ol' pal Shannon!  
  
Although Shannon lives in British Columbia, this is the land where not- normal things happen.Â  Thus we're guessing Shannon of British Columbia was made into a lump of snow in some not-normal way  
  
Shannon- *bows* Shannon of British Columbia, at your service!  
  
Linda- Shannon!Â  It's sooo nice to see you!  
  
Shannon- *brushes the snow off* I just happened-  
  
Kay- You never happen to be anywhere!  
  
Linda- I know why she'sÂ here!Â  She's on a quest!  
  
Shannon- No,Â really!  
  
Linda- You're on a quest!Â  You've come to theÂ land where not-normal things happen, and you want us to join you!  
  
Shannon- I am indeed on a quest, m' dears.Â  As I have just finished my quest for Intimate Apparel- excellent adventure, by the way- I am now on a quest to- to- uh, well,Â I'mÂ looking for a quest.Â  And my previous quest was to getÂ youÂ two andÂ then find a quest.Â  Well!Â  I have finished that one *takesÂ a clipboard out and checks something off*Â Right- now thatÂ I have found you... *whistles with her fingers in her mouth and three horses appear,Â One, half orange and the other half purple.Â  One Red and Silver, andÂ one black one (when we find out her fave colors...)*Â   
  
Everyone leaps on to their horses, Kay with some difficulty, and, not knowing exactly where they'reÂ going... Shannon takes the lead  
  
Shannon- *raising her sword*Â Tally hoÂ Silver!Â  *horse doesn't move*Â Giddyup!Â  *starts to eat grass* GO!Â  *and they all ride to the sunset* 


	2. In Which Our Heroes Receive Orders from ...

(L)  
  
Linda- Grass? Where did the grass come from? That's- never mind.  
  
Kay- We must succeed!  
  
Shannon- Succeed what?  
  
Kay- *sweatdrops* Whatever it is we're doing… Or going to do…  
  
Linda- You sound like that guy on Freakazoid, I MUST SUCCEED, I MUST SUCCEED!  
  
Kay- Yes. Whatever.  
  
Shannon- We must have a quest!  
  
Linda- That shouldn't be too hard… Just the other day I was dieing for a *voice becomes a whisper* Staff of Smashing.  
  
Kay- Why would you want that?  
  
Linda- Isn't it obvious? So that I might smash things!  
  
Shannon- Alright then! We're then off to locate the *voice becomes a whisper* Staff of Smashing.  
  
Linda- Oh…  
  
Kay- Uh oh!  
  
Linda- *passes out and falls off of her horse*  
  
Red and Silver Horse- *runs off*  
  
Shannon- Woah! *digs heels into side of horse since she's not wearing spurs*  
  
Black Horse- *stops*  
  
Kay- *does same*  
  
Both- *jump off of their horses and run to see if Linda is alright*  
  
Linda- *is unconscious*  
  
Shannon- *feels Linda forehead* She's burning up.  
  
Kay- *nods*  
  
*suddenly the clouds part, and high and uphold, God is there!*  
  
God- Her sickness is fatal, you must get off your asses, and find the medicine! No more of that Staff of Smashing nonesence!  
  
Kay- Where can we find the medicine?  
  
God- You must gain certain allies in order to obtain the medicine. Roy, some red-headed swordsman dude from some video game.  
  
Kay- Where can we find him?  
  
God- Roy is in the castle Bleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeh through the forest. You will also need the help of  
  
(K)  
  
Shannon- Pardon, me my Lord, th- the castle "Bleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeh"?  
  
God- Yes the castle Bleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeh! What do you think I meant?!  
  
Shannon- *a bit abashed* My bad.  
  
God- You bet your bottom dollar it's your bad! Anyway-- you will also need the help of a certain dashing young man whom I have just picked out of the blue because your friend Roy will be a bit lonely.  
  
Kay- *excited* What's he like?  
  
Shannon- Where will we find him?  
  
God- You will find him in a village on your way to the castle Bleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeh. You will know who he is, and he will know he is to join you. I am just about to go see him. Now, if you don't have anymore questions... I have to go see about your soon to be accomplices.  
  
Kay- Wait! What's his name? What's he gonna look like?  
  
God- *just like in "Lion King", as the clouds come back together his voice echoes* You will know who he is... you will know who he is... you will know who-  
  
Kay- *pissed* JUST TELL ME HIS NAME!  
  
God- *sticking his head between the clouds, equally pissed* For the love of me, it's Rufio! sheesh... *the clouds go back together*  
  
Kay- *sighs* Rufio! *dances around* la la la la la! Rufio, Rufio! I can just imagine his-  
  
Shannon- uhh! Hello?! *points to Linda, lying unconscious on the ground* We've got an unconscious friend on the ground!  
  
Kay- oh. well... c'mon! Let's get to the village so we can-- *sees Shannon's face* s-so we can get Linda medicine! *smiles* 


	3. In Which Delerium, Red-Heads, and Cloak-...

(L)  
  
*all of the horses run off into the sunset without their riders, which I think they already have, but I'm too lazy to doublecheck… so if they already haven't, they do now…*  
  
Kay- Oh great, you know what this means??!!  
  
Linda- . o O (You have to get off your asses and walk??)  
  
Shannon- What does it mean??  
  
Kay- IT MEANS WE HAVE TO LEAVE LINDA BEHIND!!  
  
Linda- . o O (You are sooo joking… You can't DO this to me!! I'm your FRIEND!! I'm the reason you get to meet Rufio!!)  
  
Shannon- Leave her behind??  
  
Kay- Well, do you feel like carrying her?  
  
Shannon- *looks down at Linda* No, not really.  
  
Kay- Then there's nothing we can do! What am I saying??  
  
Shannon- OH NO!! You must be coming down with the illness too!! You're delerious!!  
  
Kay- I'm fine! *yanks on the air*  
  
*a string appears and the clouds part, and it's not God, it's Linda's evil twin, Brijit!! Holding puppet strings that are attached to Kay*  
  
Brijit- *cusses* No! No! I'm not here! Pay no attention to me! Kay, you must leave Linda behind, you know you want to!!  
  
*suddenly the clouds darken and Brijit who is in the clouds, is struck by lightning and umm…dies…or…something…*  
  
Linda- *is sleeping…and talking in her sleep* I'm a little tea pot…hear me shout, here is my handle, here is my spout…  
  
Kay and Shannon- *give Linda funny looks*  
  
Linda- Liesel…I…I…hate your kitchen table…  
  
*Linda, actually has talked in her sleep about how much she hates Liesel's kitchen table…even though she didn't know she hated it…*  
  
Shannon- *shakes Linda awake* Linda, snap out of it!  
  
Linda- *wakes up*Oh, hullo, is it tea time already??  
  
Kay- Come on Linda, you have to walk!  
  
Linda- Walk?! Why walk?! Why walk when you can DANCE?!  
  
Kay- *smacks her own forehead*  
  
Shannon- *sweatdrops*  
  
Linda- *gets up* But, walk I shall! If I must walk, I shall! Walk! Walk! Walk to my death if need be! But I shall walk! *begins walking*  
  
Shannon- No, no, no *turns Linda around*, not that way…  
  
Linda- Hmm…  
  
Kay- Let's go…  
  
*On their wayward, walking, way… They meet two travellers, these two travellers are on foot. The first has pure red hair, wearing a red cloak, white pants, and red boots, and because I'm too lazy to describe I'm just going to say he's wearing a lot of red, ok? ok. The other traveller is shorter, quite a bit shorter actually, and is wearing a black cloack with the hood up. "He's" totally concealed by his cloak.*  
  
Linda- *screams* It's the damn lobsterbacks! Run, run for your lives! The British are coming! The British are coming!!  
  
Shannon- *covers Linda's mouth* *smiles*  
  
*ow, damn I'm in a lot of pain, my ^&$&%^*&(#! mother decided I needed to ice my *&(% ankle some ^%$!^#@ more, so my leg is twisted so that it can be on the arm of another chair with the ice on my ankle with the ICE ON IT!!!  
  
%@^#!$@*#^#$#*)^!!@#  
  
There, I'm still in pain, but I feel better*  
  
Red-Head- *who is NOT Linda's subtle creation of a Ron-Link mix, thank you *cough, Shannon, cough* VERY MUCH!!* *gives Linda an odd look* You must be the three that God spoke of…  
  
Linda- *knocks Shannon's hand away* AND WE SHALL BE ONE NATION UNDER GOD-!!  
  
Shannon- *covers Linda's mouth again* *mutters* shut UP!  
  
Linda- *glares at red-head*  
  
Cloaked Man- And that would be the girl who is so deathly ill.  
  
Kay- She's running a fever, she's delerious.  
  
Shannon- You know, meaning, lost her ability to reason?  
  
Red-head- So I gather.  
  
Kay- And you're Roy?  
  
Read-head- I am.  
  
Shannon- Nice to meet you!  
  
Roy- Likewise.  
  
Kay- Umm… Who is your companion?  
  
Cloaked Dude- I have no name.  
  
Kay- How boring and normal…  
  
CD- *cloak turns slightly red, flushing, before becoming black again*  
  
Shannon- THAT was not normal!  
  
CD- Oh, that… Well I was cursed at birth to ummm… Well… Have you ever heard the expression "wear your emotions right on your sleeves"?  
  
Kay and Shannon- Yes.  
  
CD- Well… Mine are "worn" right "on my cloak".  
  
Kay- Oh, well that makes up for you having no name…  
  
Linda- *knocks Shannon's hand away again* You idiots! They're no-good lobster backs! We must warn our people! THE BRITISH ARE COMING! THE BRITISH ARE COMING!!  
  
Roy- *whistles Yankee Doodle as he hits Linda over the head*  
  
Kay- That's wasn't nice!  
  
Roy- If I didn't do that, it'd be awfully hard to carry her with her calling me a lobster back and raving about the British coming! *picks Linda up and carries her over his shoulder* Come on, God said to go to the village Uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuugh. We would've stopped there on the way, but we were already heading this way when he saw us… And told us to get you and help you…  
  
(K)  
  
Kay- *staring at Roy somewhat dazed* Is that so?  
  
Roy- uhhh, *staring back at her bewildered* yea...  
  
*suddenly Linda awakens, realizes where she is and screams* GET YOUR HANDS OFF ME YOU -i quote- FILTHY ANIMAL! -unquote-  
  
Roy- *looks relieved* Ok, *drops her carelessly* that's a load off my back... *rubs his lower back* whew...  
  
Linda- *a little surprised* Where are our horses? *wails* I want my horsie!  
  
Shannon- They rode off into the sunset, ok! Get a grip!  
  
Kay- Why'd they do that? Rather stupid if you ask me.  
  
Roy- Maybe they did so they didn't have to carry Linda around!  
  
Linda- Hey! That's wasn't very nice!  
  
Roy- Well, it isn't too nice screaming in my ear, "LOBSTER BACK LOBSTER BACK! RUN, RUN!"  
  
Linda- *looks a little sorry* well, you have to remember, I am, after all, delirious, you know! *looks at CD and points* AHHHHHHHHH! IT'S A DRUID! AHHHHHHH! HELP ME! HEL-  
  
Kay- *pulls Linda's arm down* Heavens to Betsy, child! Shut up! It's just a cloaked dude!  
  
Shannon- Honestly, you guys, if we're ever going to get anywhere then we have to stop all this finger pointing!  
  
Kay- Yes, precisely, *rubbing her hands together* Let's get crackin'! Off to the Village erm- Uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuugh.  
  
It is now a few days later, Linda is no longer delirious and they have entered the Village Uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuugh... 


	4. In Which There Are Black Widows and Fema...

(L)  
  
*all of our heroes are staying in an…inn…The girls are sharing a room and the guys are sharing a room*  
  
Linda- I get the top bunk!  
  
Kay- But I want the top bunk!  
  
Linda- But you don't have an extreme fear of the top bunk falling down on you and crushing you!  
  
Kay- …No, I don't but-  
  
Linda- *climbs up to the top bunk* *sticks out her tongue* MINE!  
  
Kay- Fine then! I get the bottom bunk!  
  
Shannon- *rolls her eyes* You guys are so childish. *falls backwards onto her bed*  
  
Kay and Linda- *sticks their tongues out at Shannon* You're just jealous!  
  
Shannon- Aren't you supposed to be sick?  
  
Linda- Yes, I am aren't I? Which is exactly why if you guys wake me up, I will kill you!! *crawls under her blanket* *closes her eyes*  
  
Kay- *yawns* *falls asleep*  
  
Shannon- *falls asleep like our friend Serena…*  
  
*heeheeheehee*  
  
*a few hours later*  
  
Kay- Linda! Psssst! Linda! Wake up!  
  
Linda- No! *screams sits up, breathing really hard*  
  
Kay- *winces and glances nervously at Shannon*  
  
Shannon- *snores and rolls over*  
  
Kay- *sigh of relief* Linda! Be quiet!  
  
Linda- Huh?? Where's everyone? What have you done with them?! WHERE AM I!  
  
Kay- *covers Linda's mouth* Shut up! Look at Shannon, and do it quietly!!  
  
Linda- *looks at Shannon and her eyes open WIIIIIDE* there's a black widow on top of her!!  
  
Kay- SHH!!  
  
Linda- sorry…  
  
Kay- It's ok.  
  
Linda- I feel sick…  
  
Kay- I didn't know you were afraid of spiders too!  
  
Linda- I'M NOT!! I feel sick because I am… *climbs down from the top bunk to the bottom one, goes over to Shannon's bed* Come here baby… *sticks out her arm*  
  
Ms. Black Widow- *climbs onto Linda's arm*  
  
Linda- That's a good girl… Aren't we a beauty??  
  
Kay- You're delerious again aren't you?? Even Steve the Croc Hunter is afraid of black widows!  
  
Linda- Shhh… You'll get her all excited. *walks very slowly towards the window*  
  
Kay- Why don't you just kill it?  
  
Linda- *in a calm voice* That would be too easy, and it wouldn't be a fair fight. I have to give it a fighting chance. *to Ms. BW* Yes I do, don't I? *holds her arm out to the window* Now be a good girl and go outside, ok??  
  
Ms. BE- *walks toward the open window* *just before getting off of Linda's arm, bites Linda's lower arm three times*  
  
Linda- *screams, flings the spider out the window*  
  
Kay- *screams*  
  
Shannon- *wakes up screaming*  
  
Roy- *opens the door and comes running in* What's wrong??  
  
CD- *follows Roy into the room*  
  
Linda- I should be fine… Just a spider bite, I got a little frightened, that's all.  
  
Kay- Linda you idiot, that was a black widow!!  
  
Linda- I'll be fine, if it swells up I'll ice it!  
  
Shannon- What happened??  
  
Kay- There was a black widow spider on you, and Linda had it walk onto her arm.  
  
Roy- You are very stupid you know that??  
  
Kay- Everything thing was going fine until the spider was almost off her arm and outside, and the spider decided to bite Linda.  
  
Linda- *rubs her lower arm* *shudders* I decided I shall be less merciful in the future. Ok, show's over, go back to sleep!  
  
Shannon- You are stupid.  
  
Linda- IT WASN'T A BLACK WIDOW!  
  
Kay- Yes it was!  
  
Linda- No it wasn't!  
  
Kay- You even said it was!  
  
Linda- No I didn't!  
  
Kay- Yes you did!  
  
Linda- Kay, I think I know what I said!  
  
*poor Kay, I do this to her all of the time…*  
  
Kay- …Alright. Whatever, still…  
  
Linda- KAY! Go back to sleep ya'll… *climbs up to the top bunk*  
  
*everyone goes back to sleep*  
  
*about a half hour later*  
  
Linda- *wakes up screaming*  
  
Kay- *jumps and hits her head on the bottom of the top bunk*  
  
Shannon- *sits up* Wha?!  
  
Linda- *holding her arm and screaming*  
  
(K)  
  
Kay- *sticking her head out from under Linda's bunk and looking up* What is it?!  
  
Shannon- *runs to Linda's bed* What?!  
  
Linda- *frantic* M-m-m-my-- my arm! I-i-i-it's swelled up! It's BLACK AND BLUE! IT HURTS LIKE HELL! I CAN'T FEEL IT! HELP ME! MY BREATHING IS STOPPING! I'M DYING! THIS IS THE LAST MOMENT OF MY LIFE! HELP! MY HEART STOPPED! I SEE A LIGHT! OMG, I'M DEAD! *looks at peace and says calmly* Hello St Peter. You're going to let me through the golden gate right? Oh thank you. Oh, I don't think I should wear a halo- Oh now thoughtful of you. See you... Oh, Jesus. You're looking so lovely today! What should I do? Oh, a guardian angel so soon? What?! That kid?! I can't be his guardian angel! I'm going to speak to God about this you- you- oh, alright-y then, heh heh-- just got a little excited that's all... never thought I'd actually get to Heaven, you know... *carries on like this*  
  
Shannon- *to Roy since he just burst through the door at the sound of Linda's screams* I think she's going delirious again!  
  
Kay- Delirious?! She's gone mad! *dramatically* Mad, I tell you, mad!  
  
*Roy and Shannon raise their eyebrows at Kay*  
  
Roy- I... think that we should get a doctor *meanwhile Linda is still raving like a lunatic* and keep the swelling down, we'll have to drain the poison out or something... *grimaces*  
  
Shannon- *grabbing her coat* I'll go get one!  
  
Roy- *doesn't want to be stuck with Linda* Me too!  
  
Kay- *she doesn't wanna look after Linda* What?! Don't leave me here! I want to go! Wait-- oh... shit.  
  
Kay- *sitting (they moved her to the bottom bunk at some point...) at Linda's bedside* No, I am not the Blessed Mother! Get away from me! No! Stop touching me!  
  
Linda- *sniff*  
  
Kay- Ohhh! Snap out of it! Please!  
  
Linda- *climbs to the top bunk again* Kay!  
  
Kay- *irritated* What?  
  
Linda- Look up! I'm calling you from my cloud in the sky!  
  
Kay- *looks up*  
  
Linda- Kay, you should really come to Heaven when you have the time. It's quite a lovely place and all these people! I've met my ancestors from waaaaaaaay back and you wouldn't believe who I've seen up here! Certainly thought they'd be up here, let alone myself-- oh well. You'll just have to wait until you die, too bad for you. *sigh*  
  
Kay- *fake disappointment* Oh shucks! Guess I'll just have to wait until I'm dead.  
  
Linda- I'm going back now, Kay- and I want you to tell Shannon she can take credit for all my works and make millions since I was such a magnificent writer.  
  
Kay- What about me? Your best friend?!  
  
Linda- Oh. ummmmmm- I'll think about that one... OH! You can have...  
  
Kay- What?!  
  
Linda- ... my Skip-It! You always loved it!  
  
Kay- *disgusted* Your Skip-It?! I don't want your Skip-It!  
  
Linda- You sure? Oh, and I want you to have Madame Grandily Grand and all my volleyballs, seeing as how I won't be playing with mortal objects anymore.  
  
Kay- Mortal objects? Why am I even discussing this with you? You're not dead! You hear that? *clear and concise* YOU. . . ARE. . . NOT. . . DEAD. . . you're a raving lunatic!  
  
Linda- What? I think you're the only crazy one 'round here... *rolls her eyes*  
  
Kay- No! I'm perfectly sane, you are IN-sane! The doctor is coming to see you about your Black Widow bite.  
  
Linda- *stares at her purple arm which was now twice as big as the other arm* What this? 'Tis but a scratch!  
  
Kay- A scratch? Your whole arm is purple!  
  
Linda- *looks at it again* I've had worse...  
  
Kay- CAN YOU PLEASE BE SANE AGAIN?!  
  
Linda- I told you, I am perfectly sane! You're the one who needs help!  
  
Kay- Oh for the love of--  
  
*Roy and Shannon burst through the door, followed by a short little stout dude carrying a black bag*  
  
Linda- *points at the doctor and begins to sing...*  
  
Kay- *covering her ears* Nooooooooo! Don't sing, Linda! NO SINGING!  
  
Linda- You're a little teapot short and stout! *grabs his arms* There is your handle, there is your spout! When I tip him over, hear him shout--  
  
Roy- Lindaniel Tamatoredansilver! Stop!  
  
Linda- *stops* ok. *hums "Yankee Doodle"*  
  
Doctor- *with a German accent of course* Now, let me look at dis arm... ahhh...  
  
Linda- Don't touch me you spy!  
  
Kay- Linda! He's not a spy! He's just some nice Angel Doctor... thingy...  
  
Linda- What's all this about angels? We're in a war here! And look! It's a German spy! *shouts* Security!  
  
Kay- What?! I thought... you... were--  
  
Linda- As the first woman president of the United States, I order you all to-  
  
Kay- *going a bit bonkers herself* No! BE SANE AGAIN! PLEEEEEEEEEEEASE BE SANE AGAIN!  
  
Linda- I am perfectly sane, and if you carry on like this you will be fired! *turns to Shannon and Roy, beaming* Where are my CIA agents? Ah. You take him *indicates the doctor* in and make him talk! And don't let him out of your sight! Roy, search the White House for more, *looks around, squinting* they could be everywhere...  
  
Doctor- *takes a large club out of his bag and hands it to Roy* I am too little, but vould you? It eez de only vay she shut up.  
  
Roy- Ok... *raises the club* see you later, Mrs. President...  
  
Linda- Wha...?  
  
WHAM!  
  
*It is the next morning and the doctor has left--*  
  
Kay- With a hefty fee too...  
  
*Linda's arm is all drained and the poison is gone... now all she has to do is wake up...*  
  
*Roy, Shannon and Kay watch Linda as she lays unconscious, waiting with baited breath*  
  
Linda- *finally stirs* mmmm... cheese... *opens her eyes* 


	5. In Which There is a Breaking of a Fellow...

(L)  
  
Shannon- *falls over*  
  
Kay- *looking mad* After all that trouble, that's what your first word is?! Cheese?!  
  
Roy- What's wrong with cheese??  
  
Kay- Nothing, except that LINDA HATES CHEESE!  
  
Linda- *blink, blink* I had the strangest dream! You *points to Kay* were there, and you *points to Shannon* and you *points to Roy* were there too! And the Cloaked Dude! I dreamt that I was bitten by a spider, and I died, and-and-*shudders* It was the strangest dream! And why are you looking at me like that?!  
  
Roy- You. Are. An. Idiot!  
  
Linda- DO YOU EXPECT ME TO TALK?!  
  
Roy- *rolls his eyes* No Miss Amato, I expect you to DIE!  
  
Linda- *glares at Roy, then she screams and tackles Shannon* YOU CAN'T LET HIM TAKE ME! HE'S ONE OF THEM I TELL YOU! Ooooone… of theeeeeem… A FIRE BREATHING MONSTER FROM HELL!! Loooook at him… *in Invader Zim-type voice*  
  
Anyhow, our heroes were in Bleh and no one wanted to be left alone in the inn with Linda, and they ruled out leaving her behind, so they checked out of the inn and brought her with them through Uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuugh…  
  
Kay- *has been very quiet as they wander the streets, looking attentively at all of the people they pass*  
  
Roy- *mutters* Does this Rufio guy even exist?  
  
CD- *speaks for like… the third time?* He does. He has to!  
  
Linda- You sound desperate for a…druuuuuid!  
  
CD- Tch, a druid? Me, that's pretty funny.  
  
Shannon- *suddenly looks at the CD strangely* Do I know you?  
  
CD- *voice deepens* No.  
  
Shannon- Oh, for a second… I could have sworn…  
  
Roy- I doubt you could know my friend here.  
  
Linda- *stares suspiciously at CD* He's a lobsterback spy… MAYBE HE'S A DOUBLE AGENT! That's where you could recognize him from!  
  
Shannon- Yeeeeeah, whatever you say Linda.  
  
Linda- *nods*  
  
Kay- *gasps* *stops and stares at a person*  
  
*leaning against a wall with his arms crossed, and saber at his side is "the kid with the Mohawk"… Rufio*  
  
Kay- *runs forward to Rufio*  
  
Linda- No, Kay! DON'T BE HEROOOO!!!  
  
Roy- *rolls his eyes* Do I need to get out the club??  
  
Linda- *screams, and falls to her knees* NO!! No my lord! Please my lord, don't! I beg of you! Please don't! No my lord, I beseech you!!  
  
Roy- *sweatdrops and smiles really uneasily because suddenly everyone is looking at him* Of…course I'd never do such a thing! You should have known I was only joking!  
  
Linda- Oh! Thank you! Thank you so much! You won't regret your decision!  
  
CD- *beneathe his cloak is smiling venomously, and his cloak turns a venomous shade of green* I'm sure she will make your decision worthwhile.  
  
Shannon- *really really big sweatdrop*  
  
Kay- Are-are you Rufio?  
  
Rufio- *nods* Are you Kay?  
  
Kay- *nods* Y-yes.  
  
Rufio- I suppose the girl on her knees is the ill one, Linda. The red-head is none other than Roy, and his friend the infamous Cloaked Dude who's curse is for his cloak to change color according to his emotion. Then the only one left is Shannon the Quest-Seeker.  
  
Kay- You're right.  
  
Rufio- *gives her an "of course I am" look*  
  
Kay- *flushes*  
  
Linda- *rises to her feet and walks up to Rufio* *bows her head* Greetings brave, I am Poccahontas!  
  
Rufio- Huh?  
  
Kay- She thinks you're a Mohawk Indian.  
  
Rufio- Why?  
  
Kay- Because your hair is cut in a Mohawk…  
  
Rufio- Well, it kind of makes sense…  
  
Roy- *laughs*  
  
Shannon- *gasps* *without anyone noticing right away she wanders off, following someone giving off a green light, no one else sees the person*  
  
CD- *a few moments later notices that Shannon is gone, and sees her through the crowd, and goes after her without saying anything*  
  
Roy- So you're Rufio?  
  
Rufio- Yeah.  
  
Roy- *nods* I suppose since that we're all here, all that's left is a message from God or something to let us know what happens next.  
  
Linda- It is the Breaking of the Fellowship?  
  
Kay- Excuse me?  
  
Roy- The last chapter in the Fellowship of the Ring…  
  
Rufio- What does she mean?  
  
Roy- I'm not her translator! Ask her yourself!  
  
Rufio- *looking a little flustered* What do you mean?  
  
Linda- If God must come, must we not be as all as here? The Doomed-One, the Commander, the Questor of Hopelessness, the Son of Fire, the Hidden- One, and the Lost-Brave?  
  
Roy- Shit, she sounds like some insane prophet from the Belgariad… Wait- *looks around* Shit! Where's CD and Shannon?!  
  
Linda- And thus, commenced the breaking of the fellowship… 


	6. In Which God Breaks a Pair of Glasses

(K)  
  
Kay- *to Linda* Shut-up!  
  
A voice from nowhere, sounding a lot like Mr. Metz says, "Put down! Put down!"  
  
Kay- *mutters* Oh, good God... *to Rufio, sweetly* You'll find that Linda is not always completely sane... but I am, *gives him a smile* always.  
  
Rufio- *backing away* *under his breath* We'll see about that... *to Kay* Oh, yes, I think you're-- quite sane... at least compared to her. *jerks his head towards Linda*  
  
Linda- *clears her throat* Ahem, ahem, ahem-- I am perfectly sane and pleased to tell you both that-  
  
Roy- *pointing to a hill outside the village walls* Look! The cloud is parting! Hurry! *grabs Linda's arm and drags her to the hill, Rufio and Kay follow*  
  
As they reach the hill they see God sitting with Jesus ("At the right hand of the Father"), frowning. Looks at his wrist...  
  
God- *furrowing his brow* You're late! I expected you here promptly, you know... don't you know I have to perform some miracle to be shown on Primetime?!  
  
Roy- *still panting* S-sorry, God... we ran into some trouble with... someone *eyes Linda*  
  
Linda- *about to say, "What...?!"* Wh-  
  
God- Well, I see you have gathered Rufio! *smiles, then frowns again* Where's Shannon and CD?  
  
Roy- *nervous, bites his lip* um, they were with us... but, uh, they, um... slipped away for a moment... I guess...  
  
Linda- *eager to explain* Yea, it was like-  
  
God- *looks pleased* Ah well, all according to plan, eh, son? *to Jesus, who smiles* According to my plan, Kay, you wear glasses, don't you?  
  
Kay- *happy that God is speaking to her* *takes off her glasses and shows them to him* Yes, they just broke a while back and I've finally got them fixed! It cost a fortune you know, and--  
  
Suddenly a lightening bolt comes down from the sky and splits the bridge of her glasses in two as she's holding them.  
  
Kay- *her lower lip quivers* Of course it... only cost... five-hundred trillion dollars... just... p-p-petty cash, I suppose... *sniffs*  
  
God- Now, you go to the place that fixes glasses, in that village you will find Shannon and CD... *checks his watch* Well, it's about time to save that kid on critical condition from being attacked my mad goats...  
  
Kay- *sobbing* *walks to Linda, who is trying to hold back her laughter* M- m-my glasses!  
  
Roy- *annoyed* Oh c'mon-- stop your blubbering! I'll pay for it! *such a gentleman...*  
  
Linda- *admiringly* Oh, Roy! That's so sweet of you!  
  
Roy- Well, what can I say? *a bit pompously* I'm just a nice guy!  
  
Linda- *her eyebrows become a straight line* Sure you are. *coughs, "Lobster-back!"*  
  
Kay- *still upset* For the love of Pete-- my glasses!  
  
Rufio- *suddenly wise* Well, it's like they say-- God works in mysterious ways...  
  
Kay- You're telling me... 


	7. In Which Linda Suffers Shortly

(L)  
  
[so our heroes made their way to the glasses shop… but just outside of the glasses shop, Linda started having a coughing fit]  
  
Kay- Oh yeah, I forgot… Linda's still deathly ill…  
  
Roy- Oh yeah! Isn't it our quest to find her a cure?  
  
Rufio- *blinks at them in disbelief*  
  
Linda- *starts to gasp for air* 


End file.
